I have no idea how eight weeks have passed since Lennon arrived. I officially start back to work tomorrow and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a little sad about it. This is the first time I am returning to work after having a baby and am truly excited about my job, and not longing to stay home like I have after the last two babies. But it is still bitter sweet.
I know I am entering a season of work, where the wide open space in our schedule that came with me being on maternity leave will disappear. I will be forced to buckle down, be super organized and our schedule will have to be as planned as ever to pull off having three very young children, two different work schedules, Emmaus’ school and therapy schedule, meals to plan, not to mention church and social schedules. I am excited about the opportunity to meet some of the financial goals we have set for ourselves. To get back on our feet a little after a self-funded maternity leave. All while doing a job that I am really loving!
I know I/We can do it. But there is a little fear that this transition from 2-3 that has gone so smoothly is about to get hectic, and hard. I know my capacity to handle things gracefully will get thinner just because I will be working.
Last year Dan and I had one of the harder years of our marriage. We went to A LOT of counseling to get things figured out, to learn to communicate again, to grieve the loss of a typical life- the type of life we had planned before Tuberous Sclerosis became part of our reality. And I am just kinda fearful that things will get shaky and unstable again.
I think even being aware of these fears is good. Finding ways to safeguard against them, ways to plan a head and take some of the stress off of things when I can- simply by not waiting till the last minute to get things done.
Planning ahead doesn’t come naturally to me. So here goes nothing!
But, seriously. 8 weeks already? How is that possible? Please slow your roll baby girl. Things are going by too quickly!